By: “Fast” Eddie Farmer
As the development of the Tiny Acres Midget Community broke ground last Fall, it wasn’t readily apparent what economic effect the planned community for primordial dwarves and little people would have on the local economy.
“We were afraid at first,” said City Councilman Kevin Roden. “The little bastards are known to burrow, so we initially were terrified that their incessant digging would lead to foundation issues for certain homes. But, honestly, the price of Hawaiian Punch has tripled (little people are known to covet the famous fruity drink) and with so many gawkers trying to get houses near the midgets, even home values in the South part of Denton have increased drastically. Who knew all you needed was a pan flute? The second you start playing, them little fellers’ go into some kind of trance and start baking. It’s the damndest thing.”
Many in Denton don’t share Councilman Roden’s enthusiasm. Ferrell midget attacks have accounted for the vast majority of dwarf-related fatalities on humans in 2016, and it is expected to increase this year as recent conservation programs have led to a greater population.
All that is known is that very soon, the midgets will be coming for you.